Everyone under the sun has heard the arguments for and against legalizing marijuana.

Cheech: It should be legal because it grows in the ground, it’s not like those other drugs man.

The Man: It is an illicit drug that ruins lives. What morally bankrupt world do we live in that would even consider this?

Cheech: How can you put this in the same category as heroine? It’s less addictive than nicotine, and less damaging than alcohol, man.

The Man: It’s a gateway drug. Studies have shown that you’re [made up number]% more likely to move on to harder drugs once you use cannabis.

…. and on and on

I’m sick of the spokespeople for legalization being burn-outs or extreme’s. I feel like this is the one topic our generation should be able to sit around and discuss like adults.

First off, if you have never tried marijuana you really can’t add to the conversation. Aside from citing sources and giving random anecdotal stories about your “stoner friends” you have as much understanding of the subject as a virgin does about threesomes.

I know this stipulation puts my argument on thin ice. I can just hear the counter-arguments now…

Dick: Why don’t you just pass that down to all the drugs. Ok… ok only people who have snorted coke can discuss the legalization of cocaine. All you have left are addicts and rich people. Of course the conversation is going to be in favor.

Me: Listen Dick, unlike cocaine, heroine, PCP, crack, meth, and the cocktail of other drugs you could take. You can’t overdose on cannabis. Can you say the same about alcohol?

Dick: Well… no.

The fact is, if you have never experienced the high you have no basis for comparison. So when I say “you are more in control of your body while high than you are while drunk”, you have nothing to add or detract.

Now that this is in order. Here is my, very adult, sound, rational reasoning behind why I believe we should legalize, not just decriminalize, but legalize cannabis.

First, why I believe it is mild enough for public consumption.

1. You cannot overdose on it. Even extreme consumption does not appear to produce any noticeable or significant negative effects on the body. Unlike alcohol
2. Yes it has carcinogens, but nothing outside what tobacco products also offer.
3. While it does impair vision, judgement, and fine motor skills- to a similar if not lesser degree than alcohol- it is not a hallucinogen. You do not see things while high.
4. The high is akin- in intensity, duration, and disorientation- to drunkenness just without the dehydration and nausea.
5. The side effects (paranoia, hunger, dry mouth, elevated heart rate) are all just as mild as those found in coffee or dayquil or any other over the counter medicine.
6. You do not get a hangover.
7. While apparently it is addictive, I would put it on par with the addictiveness of chocolate or roller coasters. You do not deal with physical withdrawl symptoms for recreational use (unlike alcohol and caffeine). Past recreational use I have no experience.

Second, with the understanding that cannabis is as mild a narcotic as nicotine or alcohol, why it makes sense to legalize it.

1. The government can tax and control it. Instead of us spending tax $$ to police it, we make tax $$ by selling it.
2. It would allow a controlled environment for the growth and purchasing of cannabis. I believe this would play a big part in curbing the “gateway drug” aspect of it. Instead of purchasing from a drug dealer that also offers (and pushes) coke, meth, and ecstasy, you can buy from a cannabis store/coffee shop.
3. It would free up DEA and other police resources.
4. It would put less pressure on our overtaxed prison and court systems.

—-

What this comes down to to me is a little bit of fixing a technical error. We (Nixon) overreacted to the “hippies” and their crazy drugs. Unfortunately cannabis was thrown into the category of illicit narcotic when really it should have been placed right there with caffeine, tobacco,  and alcohol.

The distribution should be controlled. It should have the same advertising restrictions as tobacco, and it should be sold in specific, closely monitored stores (like liquor). Hell I even think a 21 year age requirement makes sense.

But when it comes down to it, cannabis is as much of a drug as those we have already made legal. It will not break down society, and won’t cause the decay of our youth and moral fiber.

Though it would give happy hour a whole new meaning.

A: “Third Reich From The Sun”

(this is just a placeholder until my actual post which should be up later tonight)

-MS

“Back then we didn’t have these fancy birth control methods. Like pulling out.”

Remember that day in middle school health class? I know most of us have blocked middle school out, but I guarantee if you had one iota of hormones in your system you perked up when the “sex talk” day came around.

I learned three things that day.

1. Pap smear has to be the dirtiest word I’ve ever heard
2. “Double bagging it” does not offer double the protection
3. Pulling out is about as useful a contraceptive as praying is a method of disease control.

While two of those have stood the test of time, #3 is coming under fire. According to The Daily Beast, a paper in Contraception Magazine (the official journal of the Association of Reproductive Health Professionals) has announced that the pull-out method is about as effective as the condom.

Allow me to repeat myself, because this bares repeating… If an average male has sex without a condom and pulls-out, he will have the same chance at getting his average girlfriend pregnant as he would if he wore a condom.

As if that that news wasn’t astounding enough, they go even further by listing the failure rates for “typical use” for most contraceptives. Conclusion: We’re f*cking idiots (or vice-versa).

Failure Rates for “Typical Use” of Common Contraceptives:

• Pull Out - 18% failed
• Condom - 17%
• Birth Control Pill/Patch - 8%
• Diaphragms - 16%
• Injections - 3%
• Intrauterine devices - <1%

Ever wonder aloud how there can be so many stupid people in the world? Because 17% of the public at large can’t use a condom properly! It’s reverse evolution. But I digress.

The moral of the story here: if the only reason you wore a condom was to prevent pregnancy you should be on the pill, duh. But if you also worry about STD’s then you’ll want to stick with condoms. Because the drip doesn’t care how quick you pulled out.

Last week I read Douglas Adams’s The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, which entailed total global annihilation. This week my subject is Cormack McCarthy’s, The Road, which tells a tale of survival in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. These may seem to have a vaguely similar subject matter, but the tone of each of these novels could not be further apart.

Honestly, I did not intend to make the end of the world a theme in consecutive weeks, but when a friend told me about this book, I could not help but to read it.

The Road tells the story of a man and his son struggling to survive in bleak badlands years after a global catastrophe filled the sky with ash, rendered all modern technologies obsolete, and wiped out most wildlife completely.  The protagonists head southward down a desolate road in order to evade the impending winter that is almost certain to bring death along with it.

The only effects the man and his boy have in their possession is a rickety shopping cart filled with limited supplies (a few toys for the boy, a couple tarps, etc.) and some dregs of food along with a revolver containing only two rounds in it’s chambers. They leave the road in order to rummage through abandoned houses and shops with hopes to find any scraps of food, a few handy tools, or some fuel to assist them in building a campfire.

Like the lead characters, most of the other inhabitants of the desterted planet are in a constant state of paranoia and spend much of their time in hiding from droves of merciless men that have banded together, doing absolutely unforgiveable acts of violence to all those they encounter. In addition to these “bad guys” (as the boy refers to them), the man and his son encounter other survivors, most of whom employ a ruthless free-for-all attitude.

Then they set out along the blacktop in the gun-metal light, shuffling through the ash, each the other’s world entire.

With nobody else in existence that can be trusted, the boy and his father have no other choice but to rely completely on each other and do everything in their power to ensure the other’s survival.

McCarthy uses several different techniques to create a completely godforsaken landscape. The text is steeped with descriptive devises that clearly paint the bleak picture of this post apocalyptic world and peppers in some of the characters thoughts and nightmares as a way to delve deep into their psyche. If an unexpected cataclysm wiped out most of the planets life, leaving only a handful of desperate survivors, I would expect this novel to be a very accurate portrayal of the trials and tribulations associated with such devastation (hopefully that day will never come).

As you may now see, this is not an uplifting story, but it is far more intriguing than it is depressing. I recommend this book to anyone. It is next to impossible to put down once you begin and can easily be read in a night. If a few hours of reading is still too much, don’t worry, the film adaptation is set to be released in October. If the movie is half as good as the book, it is sure to generate some buzz around Oscar season (Cormac McCarthy also authored the academy award winner “No Country For Old Men”).

Just in case you’re not familiar with the Ohio State - Michigan rivalry, well, it’s kind of a big deal.  Residents and university alumni from both Ohio and Michigan take it pretty seriously, and at the turn of the century ESPN rated the match-up the “greatest rivalry in sports”.  The two teams have been playing each other since 1897, but legend has it that the rivalry between the two states started back in 1836, when Andrew Jackson took Toledo away from Michigan.

The rivalry has had over one hundred years of competition to grow in intensity, but it’s not even a question which time period amplified the big game to what it is known for today: 1969-1978.  During the “Ten Year-War”, coaches Woody Hayes (Ohio State) and Bo Schembechler (Michigan) created and led the two most successful teams in the Big Ten.  Not only did almost every match-up have National Title implications attached to it, but they almost all came down to the last minute of play.

It is not surprising, then, to understand why Michael Rosenberg chose to titled his book about this remarkable era in college football, “War As They Knew It: Woody Hayes, Bo Schembechler, and America In A Time Of Unrest” (although the title actually comes from the 1947 narrative “War As I Knew It”, a narrative written on WWII General George Patton, one of Woody Hayes’ heros).  Rosenberg own narrative attempts and succeeds in capturing the personalities of two great men coaching the successful football programs during a time of historical social unrest in the United States.  He also does an impressive job writing in an unbiased manner, considering the fact that he’s a Michigan native.

Rosenberg makes it clear that both men were very stubborn, and that there were many times where players, university faculty, athletic directors, and even fans that did not agree with their styles of coaching.  In one instance, in Schembechler’s first season at UofM, the players came to him after a loss and complained that he had to ease up because he was crushing the team’s spirits.  The coach responded by saying, “I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do, I’m gonna make it harder.  To hell with you.”  Woody was just as stubborn.  In several close games when his team was losing, times that called for passing plays, he chose to stick with his running game, against the will of his assistants.  What was his reasoning?  Woody despised the running game, and was once known to say, “There are three things that can happen when you pass, and two of them aren’t good.”

There was obviously merit behind their stubborness.  Their style of coaching would lead them to the top of the AP polls each year, as well as several trips to the Rose Bowl.  They were also both very successful in helping many young men turn into great businessmen and professional athletes.  However, the same stubborness that brought them success, would ultimately lead to their downfall outside their conference.  The two coaches did not find success in bowl games, where the game was transitioning from the old running-dominated game to the passing-game.

All in all, the most important point the author communicates throughout the book, is that it’s important to have a strong sense of character and beliefs in order to succeed in life, but if you wish to enjoy continued success, you need to be willing to adapt to the changes around you.  Rosenberg does a brilliant job relating Woody and Bo’s conservative styles of coaching to the War in Vietnam in the quote excerpt below:

In the spring of 1979, Hayes invited several friends to meet former Marine general Lewis Walt in a private room on the second floor of the Faculty Club.  A decade had passed since they were at the heigh of their powers, with Walt commanding the Marines in Vietnam and Hayes guiding the best college football team in America. In 1968 Walt had addressed Hayes’s Buckeyes at halftime of the Purdue game, spurring them to victory and the national championship.

Now Walt told the gathering at the Faculty Club there were two messages he wanted to express about the United States’ involvement in Vietnam—two reasons, essentially, why the mission had failed.

The first reason was that the media had worked to undermine the U.S. military and divide the country, severely hampering the American effort. The second reason was that the rules of engagement had changed. The United States had self-imposed limits on whom it could attack and when, instead of going all out to win the war.

Woody Hayes voiced his wholehearted agreement

*The title of this post comes from Woody Hayes himself, as he held up Bo Schembechler’s book in the locker room after beating Michigan in 1970.  Woody took it directly from the famous scene in the movie “Patton”, where the General looks across the battlefield through his binoculars to Nazi General Rommel’s book, ‘Infantry Attacks’ and screams “Rommel, you magnificent bastard, I read your book!”

**Disclaimer: I was born and raised in Columbus, Ohio.  Go Bucks!

Books can grab your attention for any number of reasons. Sometimes they have a great picture on the cover. Sometimes they are very well-known. Sometimes the content reels you in and plays at your heartstrings like a fiddler playing his dying song. And sometimes, sometimes the title is just really great. You Suck (A love story) by Christopher Moore is one of those. I mean, who can resist delving just a little bit deeper into a book with such a profound and flattering title as that? Imagine my surprise and complete delight when I realized after reading the first page that the book is entirely about (wait for it)….VAMPIRES.

Anyone who knows me knows of my love of classic vampire lore. If you don’t know that little piece of quirky knowledge about me it is probably because I don’t like you. I guess with a name like You Suck I should have seen it coming but I didn’t and I can’t help that. Like the novel suggests it is a love story, but not in the vein of Romeo and Juliet. After all, Romeo and Juliet killed themselves, whereas our main characters simply decided to become immortal to enjoy killer (pun intended) sex and really really good looks. To be honest I traditionally prefer classic vampire literature (something about ancient mythology really gets me going) but I have to say I really did enjoy this spoof on the undead.

 (Sidenote- Who thought of the word spoof? I mean really, say it outloud. SP-OOF. Spoof. Great word. )

 Continuing on, Chris Moore is an offbeat writer with a witty sense of humor that shows up in unexpected places. I found myself laughing out loud at completely inappropriate times and who doesn’t like that? Reading his book was a little like getting a secret look into the mind of a very intelligent (but perverted) 16 year old boy. He is able to incorporate both sarcasm and a certain joie de vie in a way that makes you turn the page a little bit faster. Moore’s talent for taking the seemingly absurd and treating it as normal allows supporting characters, like Tommy’s “minion” (I want a minion) to shine and to be honest, makes me giggle like a young school girl.

 The book begins with Tommy and Jody, the book’s two main characters. They are, if anything, committed to one another and their new vampire ways though surprisingly cavalier about the fact that they are now doomed to roam the earth as the undead. If I should ever wake up one morning with a fuzzy memory of the night before (thats never happened of course) and find myself immortal with a lust for blood I personally think I would have a slight meltdown/freakout/cryfest. But that’s just me. I am known to be emotional at times. Instead the goth couple take on their new, permanent situation as if they were a bunch of frat boys who have run out of beer and need to creatively come up with an alternative plan to sway unsuspecting freshman girls to their “lair.”

Lest you think that they are a couple without problems (don’t forget they do have that inconvenient habit of needing to drink blood) Tommy and Jody also run into several tribulations over the course of the plot. Apparently not everyone is a member of their vampire fan club. They run into trouble from several different angles and hilarity ensues.

 All in all, I would like to formally recommend this book. My love of vamps aside, anyone with a legit personality or (good) sense of humor would like this book. Take it for what it is and your senses will be both surprised and delighted (but not surprisingly delighted).

It’s probably safe to say that we’ve all exceeded the speed limit at one point in our lives in the hopes that we’ll get to wherever we’re going just a little bit quicker.  Likewise; we can all relate to the feeling of anxiety as we crest a rise in the highway while going faster than we should, hoping that there won’t be a cop sitting in the median below.  Now imagine this same feeling as you drive 3000 miles while averaging just less than 100 mph.  In a word, exhausting; in two words, holy $hit.

(above) myself and @berkmd during our own LA -> Columbus rally, circa January ‘09

Ok, enough with the formal book reporting (Tessa’s proven that she’s way better at it anyways).  Basically, The Driver is about some bald dude who’s got a lot of cash and decides to enter these “rallies” where they drive insanely expensive cars at insanely high speed on public roads.  These “rallies” are usually a week long with the drivers stopping each night at a high class hotel where they get shitfaced each night and party like rockstars (some of them are rockstars, neat!).  The locations vary from year to year; San Francisco to Miami, Paris to Cannes, etc.  The most famous of these “underground” “rallies” is undoubtedly the Gumball 3000.  Currently in its 11th year, notable “Gumballers” have included Rob Dyrdek, Matthew McConaughey (alright alright!), the crew of Jackass, and John Mayer.

After a while, said bald dude gets tired of the organized events and decides he wants to go more authentic by breaking the world record for driving from New York to Los Angeles.  He then loads enough electronics into his BMW M5 that it could be considered a nuclear sub on wheels (this was by far my favorite part of the book, imagine that).  Additionally, he even coerces a pilot friend (who doesn’t have a friend with a plane and pilot’s license?!) into flying ahead of the car and scouting for cops on the highway.  I won’t give away the final ending, but the book rocked.  It’s only a couple bucks on Amazon and afterwards you’ll want to get in your car and drive like you’re Dale Earnhardt in turn 4 at Talladega.

I’d also like to point out that McCon has recently dropped the hammer on our “book club” and required that our posts be up by noon on our assigned days.  That being said, I think my day moved to Thursday? But Mick posted today? What’s up with that? Anyways, I’ve quickly thrown my article together in attempt to appease Hey Arnold McCon.  I also threw in some cool, somewhat related videos for those that can’t read.

(above) Team Polizei (the author’s “team”) during the 2003 Gumball.

(above) Audi R8 modified in similar fashion as the M5 featured in this book, bald guy is the author.

-MS

It is on a seemingly normal Thursday morning, that Arthur Dent’s home is demolished to clear the way for a soon-to-be-constructed bypass. Rough Day so far, but things get much more interesting for Mr. Dent when he narrowly escapes the destruction of the planet Earth (to clear the way for an intergalactic bypass) with the assistance of his friend, Ford Prefect (unbeknownst to Arthur, Ford is an alien from somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse) and The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

This is the beginning of the first of five installments of Douglas Adams’s “Hitchhiker’s Guide” series. Adams paints a brilliant portrait of a fantastical universe replete with zany characters like con-artist turned Intergalactic President, Zaphod Beeblebrox, and Marvin, the paranoid android.  This piece of literature is a beautifully orchestrated work of science fiction, philosophy and, most importantly, humor.  If you have even the slightest taste for a bit of off the wall comedy (or still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea), I furiously recommend this read. I mean, it’s more popular than “Celestial Home Care Omnibus” and better selling than “Fifty-three More Things to Do in Zero Gravity” and that’s got to mean something.

I will admit, I have cheated a little on my assignment this week since I have read this book prior to this week.  However, it has been over five years since I originally read it and relished at the opportunity to re-familiarize myself with Arthur Dent and the rest of the Hitchhiker crew.  In closing, I hope you have found this post at least slightly more bearable than the poetic musings of Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think i’ll take a quick bite at The Restaurant at the End of the Universe.

I was reading this little ditty on the Daily Beast this morning and just had to share. Even the tagline is great.

What are the odds that your next restaurant meal will be prepared by someone on drugs? Very high.

I don’t know what worries me more, the notion of people with sharp knives on high powered narcotics, or the fact that I’m eating their food.

If the (sorry excuse for a…) movie “Waiting” is based on any bit of truth then it’s not hard to see the leap from “showing my balls to my coworkers” to “eating opium at work”.

When Al arrived, Andy was back out in the alley again, having a deep and heated conversation with a chainlink fence.

“What’s up with him?” Al asked.

Al was talking to the dish machine, but at least he was inside.

I love the Gonzo Journalism that the Daily Beast writers employ. I think Hunter S. Thompson was a genius and I think it gives you a much more colorful “human interest” story than traditional reporting.

Think this is just a rare case? That this author just had a unique experience that he is using to generalize the whole group?

Without even thinking, I blurted out, “Ninety-five percent, easy.” It was like asking me how many kitchens had cooks in them. How many used knives…

Chefs are just wired for drug use from the start. Being a cook or a chef means being in the pleasure business, after all; means being the sort of person who has a yen for experimentation and excess.

So while the author argues that chef’s aren’t like rockstars (rockstars make real money), he does point out that they have similar reasons for using.

I just wish the author had made a book of the whole thing instead of a simple 500ish word blog post.

“I told Krassner one time that his writings made me hopeful. He found this an odd compliment to offer a satirist. I explained that he made supposedly serious matters seem ridiculous, and that this inspired his readers to decide for themselves what was ridiculous and what was not.” Kurt Vonnegut
 
 Perhaps in admitting this I am admitting how out of the loop i am, but until a few weeks ago I’d never heard of the infamous and somewhat controversial Paul Krassner. So for those of you (like myself) who are unfamiliar with the author of the brilliantly titled novel  “One Hand Jerking” Krassner is both a social activist and comedian whose career of what can only be called random opportunities spans the past five decades. To put it more simply, he is old as dirt. His book is a collection really, of his satircial musings about both his life experiences and ideas on politics and the social experience. A collection of musings that ultimately were written for an online porn magazine. Suffice to say he does not in any certain terms hold back on his deliberate attempt to be both real, ironic and really ironic. I must admit in reading this book the part of me that used to wear a purity ring for a good 7 years was somewhat shocked and appalled. (Yes I had a purity ring-they really do exist outside of the Jonas brother’s world) Luckily for me college was (as it is for most people) both liberating and corrupting so even thoughat times my inner little girl wanted to flinch at some of the more shall we say, ahem adult topics he covers, I was more or less able to appreciate his sometimes optimistic and sometimes scathing look at our society as a whole. I was able to get past the coprophagia references (look that shit up) and value this book as a craftily spun, well thought out break down of a career that included working at Hustler magazine.

From stories of his first time on stage, to working for Playboy, to publishing the newsletter “The Realist” Krassner enlightens us on his thought process intertwined with social savvy. He muses about all the great minds of our time from Peewee Herman to Bill Clinton. He takes a brief stab at the Cuban missile crisis but ultimately is distracted by Jackie Kennedy and her “hot ass.” Speaking of President’s wives, Krassner claims Eleanor Roosevelt has the “best body hes ever seen.”  Bet you you didn’t know that before this blog did you? See what reading can do for you?
 
I learned a good many other important and insightful things from this book. Afterall that is what books are good for. Important and insightful information. For instance, Janet Jackson’s boobs at the Superbowl ousted the 9/11 attacks as the most searched for event in the history of the Internet. Good job humanity- never failing to take a good hard look a flash of flesh.  I also learned that there is a Game, the longest running death pool in America, in which people bet on who will die that year. Apparently its quite famous and the 100 or so people who participate do it only for the pride of winning, there is no monetary prize (because that would be downright inappropriate) Krassner doesn’t say, but one can only hope that if one of the bets is murdered by one of the players they are disqualified. There really is nothing like de-humanizing people’s pain and grief in order to win bragging rights. Though I suppose if we couldn’t laugh, we might as well just kick over and die (but only in a specific year, in case someone bet on you, please lets all be considerate).
 
He name drops a lot, which is expected but overall I was certainly able to enjoy his counter-culture outlook. He is, after all, the only person to ever win an award from both Playboy AND the Feminist Party Media Workshop and if that doesn’t constitute some kind of talent then I don’t know what does.